10Dec03

how do you get rid of the achy-ness in your heart that you’ve been suppressing for so long that you don’t even notice it anymore? and when it comes back, and i promise you it will, it hits you so hard you’ll want to throw up. but you don’t. because you’re in public, and because you’ve been taught not to do that; it smells and it’s unpleasant and makes everyone around you feel uncomfortable.

so instead of throwing up, you try on pretty things and you smile, and cross your fingers in hopes that the outside will make up for the inside. because sometimes it has to. and so you wait, for redemption, for some form of cathartic release.

———-

i don’t have it all together and i definitely don’t claim to. I just want to be able to worship you in spirit and in truth. and to be real in my interactions with you, although i seem contradictory at times. and to hold on to the promise of who you are. and so i wait, but not hopelessly.

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